Owl Writing Personal Essay Dissertation Support Group
For example, you might spend more time talking about Millhauser's rationale--WHY does he think the monster should have been presented as a brutal beast throughout? Why is it better that Shelley shows the monster in terms of growth and progression?
You introduce this idea in your introduction, arguing that Shelley is deliberately playing with the reader's sympathies, for the monster and for Frankenstein. What is the effect of the reader's divided sympathies?
Good luck with your paper and thank you for submitting to the OWL!
Mark, Thank you for submitting your paper to the OWL; I am a Political Science major and very much enjoyed reading it.
One is the "republican role." It may be that your instructor discussed this idea at length in class, or that Machiavelli does in his Discourses on Livy, but there is no such discussion in your paper.
A stronger paper would define the proper role of a leader in a republican state from the beginning. Is the leader subservient to the will of the people? Where does the leader draw his power or right to govern from? It may be beneficial to read over your paper with a critical eye looking for vague concepts.
Where does the sympathy lie at the end of the book? In general, what is the value of making the creature sympathetic?
I hope you found some of the questions I've raised valuable.
I think you've got some really interesting ideas in this paper, particularly in your fifth and sixth paragraphs, but you need to expand upon them.
You have a tendency to spend too much time summarizing the plot--this is time when you could be advancing your argument.
You don't need to tell your reader what happens in the story; you can assume that he or she already knows.
As for constructive comments, you never really explain why you were at Ground Zero on September 12. Did you have any special connection to the firefighters or the victims? I would also be careful of the very general statements you use to sum up the essay, such as , "That day brought to my attention a side of humanity that had lay dormant in my mind. Hello, Angela, Your paper is coherent, well-organized, and very informative.
That moment in time showed me that people have the capacity to act unselfishly." It's best to convey your point through examples rather than summation-the old advice to "show not tell." It takes a lot of courage to tackle in an essay the events of September 11 and the days following, but I think you have a great perspective, and the ability to look beyond the chaos to the details of the scene. You do a nice job of incorporating various theorists and applying their ideas to the phenomenon of AHANA.